My take on the ever-shifting responses of the Kingdom of Saudi Arabia to the disappearance of journalist Jamal Khashoggi, based on the New York Times’ timeline compiled by Nilo Tabrizy and Natalie Reneau. "From Denials to Fistfights: How the Saudis’ Khashoggi Story Changed”
"And now Khashoggi’s dead, so, our bad.
But it totally wasn’t us.
It was fifteen guys we know,
but we’re just as surprised as you guys."
Something happened to Jamal Khashoggi, you say? Huh. Weird. No clue. In our embassy in Turkey? No way.
So, um, turns out, he came to the embassy, but then he left. Gosh, we hope he’s okay!
We’re helping to look for him. We’re very concerned for his safety.
You guys, we had nothing to do with this. These are all lies and baseless allegations.
YOU GUYS. Stoppit. We swear, we had nothing to do with Mr. Khashoggi’s - with why he’s not here. Stoppit.
DEMISE IS THE OUTCOME OF THESE WEAK ENDEAVORS!
Scratch that. Never mind.
The kingdom affirms its total rejection of any threats and attempts to undermine it!
I mean, REALLY. [EYEROLL]
So, it sounded to President Trump like maybe these could have been ROGUE KILLERS. Yeah, that’s it - roving bands of ROGUE KILLERS. We think so too. Who knows?
Totally not us, though. Totally.
Wait - we’re getting something - yes, here it is - it was AN INTERROGATION GONE WRONG.
Okay, so, turns out, Khashoggi WAS there, in our embassy, right? And, um, there were some other people, and, something happened because, they, like, needed to ask him some questions. And the whole thing just got out of hand, really. And now Khashoggi’s dead, so, our bad. But it totally wasn’t us. It was fifteen guys we know, but we’re just as surprised as you guys.
So here’s some more info - yeah, when Khashoggi walked into the embassy? He got into a fist fight with those fifteen guys we sort of know. And, he died. It must have been a pretty bad fistfight because there isn’t a body. I mean, we know he’s dead, and all, but . . . they maybe must have pulverized him?
We’re totally investigating this, guys. For sure.