CHAS: "I gained TWO POUNDS from all that junk I ate Saturday."
ME: "Do we have any cookies?"
CHAS: "I've been so good this week: other than that piece of birthday cake I've had no sweets . . . no ice cream or cookies . . . I didn't eat Smedley's birthday cupcake . . . no bread, no leftover pizza . . . scrambled eggs for breakfast and tuna in a cup for lunch . . ."
ME: "Oh, I know, we have ice cream, don't we?"
CHAS: "Because my pants were riding up and I thought, "NO MORE of this.'"
ME, MOUTH FULL OF ICE CREAM: "Yep, you saved all those carb calories for a beer sandwich, didn't you?"
CHAS: "One beer surrounded by two other beers."
ME: "Are you sure there are no cookies?"