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I know and understand what you're going. The answers, unfortunately, to your questions of who you are and what you want, only YOU can supply.

That being said, I'm going to make a couple of observations from the things you've said and though they might sound critical, they are meant only to point out certain things One night hook up you not be aware of in. It seems that you want to rely on someone to make you happy, whether you want to it a for or.

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I also noticed that you had one person you were seeing that is into and another that seems to be an alcoholic.

If this is the case, it is a self-destructive trait and you have to re-train yourself to seek out healthier relationships and until you can be confident that you can do this, you should NOT allow yourself a relationship. Have you ever said to yourself or thought to yourself "I don't deserve to be happy"?

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I went through a similar process myself years ago. Good luck.